Earlier this week I created a new Snapchat account and most of my friends are wondering…why? I never use Snapchat nor do I care much about sending random updates about my life. My updates usually come in the form of Instagram picture and video posts. The new Instagram story feature added last month has been a godsend, but its limited in terms of functionality. The feature is an obvious knockoff of Snapchat stories and I even made a song making fun of its true intentions. But the reason I created a new Snapchat account goes past my days of Instagram.
My History with Snapchat
This would mark the 3rd time I created a new personal Snapchat account and a bunch of my friends are probably tired of following me around. Don’t worry, I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. But can you blame me? My problems with commitment date all the way back to Vine.
Making stop motion videos on Vine was my hobby and I actually had a decent following before the Insta powerhouse took over. They released a video feature that made using Vine’s platform all but obsolete. So I sucked it up and hopped on the Hollister employee train and created an Instagram account. After a few months, I was getting bored with Instagram (2nd account) and decided to try out Snapchat. I read an article back in 2013 saying this was the new sexting app and all of the teenagers was using it. A mix of peer pressure and hormones easily took over and I downloaded it on my old iPhone 4s.
Of course, I hacked the hell out of this app. I used so many 3rd party apps that I had my Snapchat story looking like a professionally made TV Show. Think MTV on Snapchat. I would post a bunch of music videos and funny clips I saw on Facebook, adding all kinds of post-production captions before annotations were a thing. I ended up having about 500 friends (probably half being bots) and started to overload my old iPhone 4s with data. The app couldn’t load all of the stories and snaps I would receive and basically made Snapchat unusable. So of course I stopped using it in favor of Instagram. I deleted this old account and left Snapchat for a few months before going back.
Why’d I Come Back to Snapchat
Simple answer: I came back to collect more booty pics from my mistress.
I deleted my old “omemo” account and created a new one. I was hoping to keep the same username, but for security reasons, Snapchat wouldn’t let me. So I created my “omemo2” account. And of course I posted all over my old account telling my friends to follow me at my new account and I ended up with about 12% of them following the new account. That’s about 50-60 people in total and most of those coming from my address book. Lazy fucks.
Why I Left Snapchat…Again
Then I continued on my 3rd party app fiesta showing all kinds of clips on Snapchat, basically making my own TV show using the camera upload and story feature. When Snapchat started to crack down on users using 3rd party apps, they pinged me everytime I tried uploading from my camera roll. Basically, I had to record my true (boring ass) life to the world in order to keep my story populated. This got boring real fast, as my lighting was low and I looked like a damn goonie in my videos. I made it to 2 major violation pings and 150 friends before I moved away from the app. I tried coming back multiple times, but the new app updates added way more features than I was comfortable with. Instead of learning, I just said forget it and left Snapchat for about a year.
Snapchat’s New Features
And what a year it has been. They’ve added a new memories feature allowing you to actually post from your camera roll now. Even though it has a boojie camera roll frame around it…its useable. Other features include the ability to stack emojis, read the news, and get cool geo filters based on your location. These geo filters are dope because Snapchat makes it easy to create your own for an event.
But what takes the cake is their new facial recognition system that adds shape-shifting face filters allowing you to entertain your audience without leaving the app. You can turn yourself into a dog, a deer, and even Lady Gaga; Switch faces with your friend and even change your voice. This is cool to play around with, but its not my thing helping Snapchat build a facial recognition database. Bet you they sell out to the CIA in a few years.
Either way, I guess I must’ve followed too many booty call accounts because my whole story feed was filled with spam sex ads and people adding some dog bs on their face. I decided to call it quits from my second account and create my third one. This time around I did the same thing, posting my new account name and Snapcode all over the place and again I retained about 12% of my followers. That’s about 15 people for you guys mathematically challenged.
New Snapchat: @theMEMO310
So now I start on my new Snapchat binge of showcasing my life in Asia using the new features. Obviously, I am a minimalist and my stories aren’t as visually sound as my Instagram stories, but they are raw and uncut. As raw and uncut as Snapchat can be. So if people are wondering why I created a new Snapchat account…its because I got tired of seeing the same old people, posting the same old stuff, and wanted to view a new clean interface. Distraction free snapping without worrying about who I should be snapping to.
If I really wanted to follow you, I probably already added you back. But if you are one of the people who legit want to keep up with me, peep my snapcode above. Or if you are one of THOSE PEOPLE, just drop your usernames in the comments below and I’ll add you.